


We Used to Have (Sleepovers)

by legendofbisexuals



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Memory Magic, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Romance, Shadow Weaver blocks Adora's memory, Shadow Weaver is homophobic, Smut, canon compatible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendofbisexuals/pseuds/legendofbisexuals
Summary: “Have you ever heard of a memory block spell, Catra?” Glimmer finally asked after several silent minutes. Catra shook her head slowly. “It’s...a complex spell. One only a master sorcerer could accomplish. A master like Light Spinner.”“What are you saying?”“I’m saying…” Glimmer took a deep breath. “Shadow Weaver blocked Adora’s memories of you, Catra.”After getting caught in a forbidden relationship with Catra, Shadow Weaver cast a spell on Adora, making her forget her and Catra's relationship. In the weeks before discovering the sword, Catra is left wondering what happened to Adora, where she went wrong, and is heartbroken when her girlfriend leaves her behind in the Horde.Or; a look into what might have been in canon had Catra remembered a relationship that Adora did not.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 120





	We Used to Have (Sleepovers)

_Prologue._

* * *

As Catra sat with her back against the green barrier, facing away from Glimmer, she wondered what she could’ve done differently in her life to avoid getting to this point. The answer was glaringly obvious, but not one she would even consider ruminating on for long; such a thought made her hands clench in despair at the mere _idea_ of never having gotten to feel what she felt, even if that loss would have prevented their circumstances today.

 _Adora._

It all began with, centered around, and ended with Adora. Had Catra not let Adora into her closed-off heart, had Catra not shared her deepest secrets with Adora, had Catra not _loved_ Adora, she might not have been here in this very moment, stuck on Horde Prime’s ship, about to be used and tossed away by Prime as a disposable weapon in the fight against Etheria; the fight against She-Ra. Had they always been just friends, she may have joined Adora in the beginning, having not been hurt the way she was when Adora wanted to leave the Horde, leave _her_ ; had they never been friends at all, Adora wouldn’t have been more than a passing thought to Catra, just another annoying squadron member for Catra to ignore as she sludged through her days.

But Catra didn’t want to imagine her life under any of those circumstances. Hurt as she may have been, lost as she might now be, guilty as she might feel — she got to love Adora, even if just for a moment.

Catra was the first to break the silence. 

“So, what would you be doing if you were back on Etheria right now and not, you know, a prisoner on an alien spaceship?” She looked vaguely over the corner of her shoulder as she asked the question, seeing the pink and purple tufts of Glimmer’s hair shifting as she moved, surprised by the sudden noise.

Glimmer looked up towards the ceiling. “I guess, maybe,” she looked down at the purple fingerless gloves on her hands; Catra pitied her. The queen must’ve been missing her powers, feeling helpless, by now. “Maybe I’d go teleporting all around Etheria, visiting the other princesses in their kingdoms. If it were a really perfect day, Bow, Adora, and I would be having a sleepover.” Catra bristled at the mention of Adora’s name, missing that time in her own past with Adora when they would have sleepovers, though the movement was not seen by Glimmer as the young queen chuckled to herself, lost in thought. “We’d raid Bright Moon’s kitchen for cake and then we’d eat it with our hands right off the platter,” Glimmer continued, her airy laugh still echoing in her voice.

Catra couldn’t help herself, eyes falling down to the floor as she began to reminisce. “We used to have those,” she said quietly.

“What?” Glimmer asked with a smile, turning ever so slightly to look at Catra with her periphery. 

“Sleepovers,” Catra smiled, looking back up once more. She rested her head against the green barrier, her smile growing wider as she remembered all the antics the two of them had gotten into as teenagers. “Me and Adora, when we were cadets in the Horde.” Her tail flicked up at the pleasant memories, a moment of happiness sweeping through her. “We’d play tricks on Kyle,” she chuckled, remembering the poor boy being such an easy target for their pranks, “stay up all night whispering about…” she trailed off.

 _Whispering about how they didn’t understand why all the other girl cadets had crushes on gross boys. Whispering about how they were each other’s best friend. Whispering promises of never leaving the other’s side. Whispering quiet, sweet nothings for only the two of them to hear. Whispering “harder, faster, please, please, please,” with their bodies thrashing and sweating under their shared blanket. Whispering promises of forever, of a future when they were both Force Captains, not having to hide their relationship from Shadow Weaver anymore_.

Catra blushed at her own memories. “You know, whatever,” she finished lamely, though Glimmer didn’t seem to notice the derailed train of thought.

“Did Adora still thrash around all night and, like, sleep-fight?” Glimmer asked Catra, turning fully to get a look at the back of her head, an amused smile lighting up Glimmer’s face. “What was that about?” She asked with a small laugh, bewildered by her friend’s actions.

Catra joined her in laughing, the smile on her face now uncontrolled, wide and carefree, for the first time in nearly three years, for the first time since the last time Adora told her how much she loved her. “She _always_ did that. Adora can’t even relax when she’s asleep!” Glimmer’s laughter grew louder, as did Catra’s, as they remembered fond memories of their shared friend. 

Glimmer’s laugh, however, grew quiet, sad, before it stopped all together. “I miss them,” she said with a sigh. “I was so awful to them the last time we saw each other. I’d do anything to go back and make it right.” 

Glimmer’s voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but the words rang loud in Catra’s ears. She did, too. She would do anything, give anything, for another chance…

“What about you?” Glimmer asked suddenly, her voice regaining its volume, light and cheery as if such a heavy comment hadn’t passed through her lips seconds before. “What would you be doing if you were back on Etheria?”

Catra pulled her knees ever closer to her chest, hugging herself at the thought of home. _Home_. Etheria. Did she even have a right to think of it as home, after all she had done to it? After all the pain she had caused those who lived there? “I’d—” she stammered, feeling her heart rate pick up at the thought. “Uh, nothing,” she said, burying her chin into her arms as she felt her heart fall into her stomach. “There’s nothing for me on Etheria.”

Silence hung between the two young women. Glimmer looked back at Catra thoughtfully, sadness etched throughout her features. “That can’t be true, Catra,” she said softly.

“I have no family,” Catra swallowed, eyes focusing on the floor in front of her. “No friends left. Everyone I love has left me,” she let out a shaky breath, “and I know it’s my fault, so I can’t even be mad at them. Hordak is gone, there’s hardly a Fright Zone left to lead —” she stopped, feeling hot tears prick at her eyes. She refused to let them fall. She took a breath, steadying herself, lifting her chin once more. “I don’t have anything, or anyone.”

Glimmer smiled weakly. “You know, you still have Adora.”

Catra’s ears flicked at that. Hope swelled within Catra’s chest, a flickering ember. So, Glimmer knew about their past, then. Did that mean Adora had told her why she left? If she had ever even loved her? “What?” She asked, turning her head to look at Glimmer.

Glimmer shrugged. “Adora doesn’t hate you, Catra,” she said weakly. “She misses you, in fact. I know she does, because we...we share secrets with each other that we don’t tell anyone else.” Glimmer looked away; Catra wondered if the blush on Glimmer’s cheeks was an indication of shame or embarrassment in admitting such a thing to her former-enemy-turned-temporary-ally. “Adora told me all about how you two were best friends, and about how much she misses you.” Glimmer paused, and just like that, the ember of hope was extinguished. “Adora tried so hard in the beginning to convince you to join the Rebellion, but eventually, she...kind of gave up hope.” After realizing what she said, Glimmer gasped, turning fully around. “But never on _you_ as a person! Just hope that...you two would be friends again, some day. She figured she ruined that one, and you made your choice.”

Catra scoffed, not bothering to hide the hurt in her tone. “I bet she conveniently left out how she broke my heart, huh?” She rolled her eyes in aggravation. “Of course. She always cares _so_ much about how other people view her, and it’s so much easier to let people think that I was the one who must’ve broken _her_ heart.”

“What?” Glimmer asked, confusion lacing her voice. “Broke your—Catra, what do you mean?”

Catra relented, finally facing Glimmer head-on as well. “Adora and I were _together_ , idiot,” she said succinctly. Glimmer’s eyes widened in shock, and Catra felt a stabbing pain of betrayal again in her gut. In three fucking years Adora hadn’t even mentioned their relationship? Catra must’ve meant even less to Adora than she’d already come to terms with believing. She shook her head in disbelief. “You’re her new bestie and she _never_ mentioned that?”

Glimmer stuttered, looking for the right words but choking on them. “I,” she began, confused eyes locking on Catra’s hurt ones. Finally, they narrowed. “You’re lying.”

Catra frowned, her anger swelling once more. “Why would I be lying to you?”

“I don’t know! Some...mind trick, something to make me betray Adora?” Glimmer said, though her tone conveyed the truth that not even she was convinced by her own words. 

“What do I _possibly_ have to gain from lying to you about this?” Catra asked, offended, the hurt she felt lacing her words. “You think I’d willingly make a _fool_ out of myself here and lie through my teeth to Adora’s new best friend just to get a rise out of you?” She shook her head, getting ready to stand, but Glimmer reacted quicker.

“Wait! Please,” she sighed, reaching out to press her hands against the barrier. “Please, stay. I’m just...confused.”

Catra reluctantly settled down again, her tail flittering agitatedly. “I am, too,” she grunted. 

“You two were together, as in...dating? Girlfriends?” Glimmer clarified, head tilting to the side.

“Well,” Catra shrugged. “The Horde didn’t really have terms or labels for dating. It was forbidden,” she said, aggravated to feel the shame she felt as a teenager creeping under her skin again, years later. A force of habit from even talking about being in such a situation, Catra glanced over her shoulder, ready for Shadow Weaver to pop out of nowhere and bust her. “We were best friends, of course, but we were also...girlfriends, I suppose.” She looked anywhere other than right at Glimmer, her cheeks a flushed shade of red. 

“Dating was forbidden?” Glimmer asked, feeling her heart sink. “That’s...the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Why wouldn’t they want you to be happy?”

Catra snorted, looking down at her feet. “Because it’s the Horde. The cadets are good for one thing: manpower. We weren’t people to them. We were weapons, expendable. They needed us to focus on fighting and killing, not fucking each other or falling in love,” Catra frowned, remembering the verbal lashing she had gotten when Shadow Weaver found them out. “That’s why...I’m sure Adora seemed pretty clueless at times,” Catra said, finally looking back up at Glimmer. “About certain words and what relationships mean. I was, too, until I got out in the real world and started picking things up after…” Catra sighed. “It all made sense after she left me and I moved on and up. Shadow Weaver didn’t teach us about love, sex, any of that. If we learned, we learned from overhearing gossip from the Force Captains who were allowed to leave the Fright Zone on missions, who had boyfriends and girlfriends and had sex. Or through rumors they would purposefully spread to the junior cadets to scare us away from sex,” Catra grunted, remembering a particularly embarrassing memory concerning Octavia’s sex “advice” in retaliation for one of Catra's mean-natured pranks.

Glimmer’s frown didn’t leave her face. “So you two,” she began, gesturing with her hand awkwardly.

Catra simply stared, giving the queen a pointed look. “Well, spit it out, Sparkles. We’re apparently having story time and I can promise this won’t happen again, so now’s your chance to ask.”

Glimmer gave Catra a small smile at that, seeing through the hiss in her words. “Did you two kiss, then? Or...were you intimate?”

“Intimate?” Catra chuckled, watching the blush spread across Glimmer’s face. “That’s a kind way of putting it. Yeah, to both.”

“So, you were like, _really_ together?” Glimmer asked, feeling her smile fall once more when Catra nodded the affirmative. “Did you...love her?”

“ _Did_?” Catra shook her head. “No.” Glimmer gave her an astonished look, but before she could react with her words, Catra cut her off. “I still do. I _always_ have. That’s why I hate her so _fucking_ much for leaving me.”

The pieces clicked for Glimmer. She let out a quiet, “Oh,” before bringing her hands back into her lap and folding them awkwardly.

“Please don’t tell her that I said that,” Catra whispered, staring down at the floor beneath her claws.

Glimmer tilted her head in confusion. “I won’t, but I’m sure she knows.”

There was a long silence. Seconds, minutes, or hours could have passed; Catra wasn’t sure. All she was sure of was the tightness in her chest, the humiliation of telling these secrets to anyone, let alone the queen of the Rebellion, her enemy — the woman who now got to call herself Adora’s best friend. Shame for being so weak flooded her, but when she looked back up to see Glimmer’s compassionate gaze, Catra felt seen, truly seen; not feared, nor pitied — _seen_ — for the first time in a long time.

“I never got to say it before she left.” 

Understanding processed in Glimmer’s eyes. “I’m...sorry, Catra. Adora never said anything about you two being...girlfriends.”

“Figures,” Catra mumbled, pulling her knees up to her chest again. “I knew she wanted a way out. She probably just wanted to forget all about me.”

“What makes you say that?” Glimmer pushed.

Catra hesitated. “The last week or so before she left,” Catra began, her voice wavering, “she...Adora was different. She acted like _nothing_ happened between us. Any time I would get close to her, she would walk away; I tried to kiss her once and she _laughed_ at me, saying I was silly for messing around with her. She acted like we were never together in the first place,” Catra’s voice broke. “And I didn’t know what to make of it. I figured...well, Shadow Weaver...caught us,” she admitted, hearing the gasp which came from Glimmer.

"What do you mean?"

“We got sloppy. She caught us in the training room. She was looking for Adora, and, well, she found her,” she laughed humorlessly. “Right under me.” She shook her head. “She screamed at me, and Adora was gone in an instant. She came back to our room a few hours later completely different. And that’s when it began,” she shrugged. “I figured maybe Shadow Weaver spooked her, told her to stay away from me; maybe we were being spied on and she had to play it cool. But then...then she _left_ , for real, a few weeks later, and I knew she was leaving _me_. So, she must’ve wanted out for a long time. Shadow Weaver just gave her the opportunity.”

Glimmer shook her head in disbelief, before a strange look crossed over her face.

“Glimmer?” Catra muttered, leaning in as a look of shocked comprehension fell on the queen before her. “What is it?”

“When Adora was acting strange...did it seem like she was just playing dumb? Or did she really seem to not know what you were doing?”

Catra’s ears flattened a little against her head as she frowned. “I mean, at first I thought she was just acting…” Catra shook her head. “But Adora’s not a good liar. So, she must’ve really just wanted to break up with me.”

Glimmer shook her head. “Did Adora...sleep more around that time, by chance?” She asked, scooting impossibly closer to the barrier. “What was her appetite like?”

“Why does that matter?” Catra grunted, rolling her eyes. “Listen, Sparkles, Adora was clearly over me before she left. I don’t want to think about this anymore.”

“I think I know what happened, Catra,” Glimmer said, her words coming out faster, her tone urgent. “Please, just answer the questions. Try to remember.”

Catra relented, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I mean, this was three years ago. I don’t really remember, you know. I was more focused on staying the fuck away from my girlfriend who didn’t want me _touching_ her because she’d flinch away and call me weird,”

“Don’t you think that’s strange, though?” Glimmer asked. “Come on, we both know the kind of person Adora is. She’s a stand-up kind of gal. She would tell you if she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore."

Catra shook her head, ready to argue, when she remembered something strange. Her tail twitched as she recalled the memory. After Adora had returned from Shadow Weaver’s sanctum, she had gone right to sleep without so much as five words to Catra. At the time, Catra hadn’t pushed ─ she knew how exhausting it was to deal with Shadow Weaver’s anger, emotionally _and_ physically. Though she didn’t suspect Shadow Weaver would’ve physically tortured her little pet Adora the same way she did Catra, Catra had no doubt that Shadow Weaver, at the very least, would’ve emotionally manipulated Adora into feeling like shit. So, she’d simply told Adora she was there if she needed someone to talk to, and had curled up at Adora’s feet the way she did before they were together to give her some space. 

She recounted this to Glimmer, who nodded as Catra spoke, her thumb and pointer finger resting on her chin as a look of concentration settled on her features. Catra waited in silence for Glimmer to speak, a strange combination of fear and dismay settled within her stomach like a rock.

“Have you ever heard of a memory block spell, Catra?” Glimmer finally asked after several silent minutes. Catra shook her head slowly. “It’s...a complex spell. One only a master sorcerer could accomplish. A master like Light Spinner.”

Catra quirked an eyebrow. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying…” Glimmer took a deep breath. “The tiredness is a dead giveaway. I’ve read about the spell in my dad’s diaries...the masters didn’t teach spells like those to novices or even accomplished sorcerers. You had to become a master before you learned any spells that could play with someone’s life like that…”

Catra shook her head. “Get to the point, Sparkles,” she crossed her arms.

Glimmer glowered at Catra, but continued. “My dad wrote about it...in his diary, he wrote about how one of the masters used the spell on a young girl who had been...” Glimmer trailed off, and Catra’s eyes fell. She nodded knowingly, glancing back up at the queen and nodding for her to continue. “He wasn't a master, so he wasn’t supposed to see it happen, but he snuck into the healer’s hut and saw the very end of the ritual. He said she passed out right away, and slept for almost a whole day. Something about...the body needing to rest after blocking so many memories. Everything’s in disarray. The mind and body no longer match up, it needs time to heal…” she trailed off, looking Catra dead in the eyes. “Regardless, it’s only supposed to be used for _good_ intentions, like helping people with trauma, like with that little kid. If what you’re telling me is true...and Shadow Weaver did something that made Adora act that way...”

“So, what exactly are you saying?” Catra asked, though from the fire burning in her stomach she already knew the answer. 

Glimmer’s face was pale. “Shadow Weaver blocked Adora’s memories of you, Catra.” After a long pause, she said, “and the reason they don’t teach anyone but the masters how to do the spell...is because there’s no way to reverse it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This fic will be divided into three main parts: pre-season one, canon (divergence), and post-season five. As I could not possibly recount the entirety of canon in this fic, part two will be mainly snippets of what might have been in this alternate universe. For the most part, however, the plotline of SPOP (which will be detailed in part two) as we know it is largely the same, just with the added detail that Catra remembers a romantic relationship with Adora that Adora doesn’t. Part three will be post-season five, where some new ideas will pop up and be explored. I hope this isn’t too confusing for anyone, but I would be very happy to answer any questions you might have about this universe! 
> 
> Please consider leaving a comment with any questions you may have or just to chat in general! I always look forward to hearing what people have to say about my fics :) Thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me at legendofbisexuals on tumblr, too!


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